Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow - Shakespeare Quotes

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28"

depression..

Im in a state of severe depression.

im losing edge..gradually losing my mind.i don't have a clue what i want and what i need.

I'm dumbfounded,confused,utterly emotional. I dumped Zaid.My Zaid. The only person in this world i love more than my life,more than my heart,more than any living person on earth.

nad I don't have a clue why =..(

Sometimes I don't think he UNDERSTANDS me.

Im awfully ALWAYS depressed..for no reason. The idea of happines doesn't appeal to me. If suicide wasn't such a big NO NO in ISlam,i would have been dead ages ago.

i know deep in my guts that im a depressed soul.I try to explain it to zaid,but he shuts me off.The only person i want to tell,th only person i want to understand my soul,and he never even tries to see my desperate plea of truth.my depression..

I want to be with him,every second of my heartbeat,but the idea doesn't compell him.Inevitably,it hurts me as he's the only source of my heartbeat.my own personal drug..and I can't live without him.

Why doesn't he understand? =..(

or maybe the idea of being with him without the solemnization loathes him,and me.It hurts us in so many ways to be a couple,without the blessings of religion.we want to be with each other,but we can't.

we want to hold each other,but we can't.and that,hurts to the core of our entire body.

however,i know myself.im a depressed soul,and i know i can't make him happy.happines is not jotted in the dictionary of my existence.

i love him unconditionally that i care enough to let him have the happiness that i know he can't have,with me. =..(

on the other hand,i need someone to love me unconditionally,just the way i love zaid.to love me more than his own life,more than anything else.but,..zaid doesn't =..(

and that.HURTS.

every cloud has a silver lining

In my effort not to be overtly pessimistic today,hence, the title above.

Yesterday was raya qurban..i was suppose to be happy..but deep inside my psyche,i knew i wasn't.

I found out two things that bothers me immensely even till now..

first,the fact that someone i know lost his virginity..which exasperates me to the extent that i firmly am starting to predicate the fact that there might not be any virgin teenagers out there(not married of course).

The ratio must be somewhere between 1:10 and it scares me to even think such sinful acts that resonate to such outrageous number =(

I guess eventually i have to start accepting horrible truths alluding to my surrounding that might inevitably tarnish my views on life.

Apart from that, i found out that one of my bestest friend had a miscarriage =(

i was overwhelmed and crestfallen that she did not expose the truth to me when it actually happened but at the same time,im thankful she's OK =)

Alhamdulillah...

maybe she wasn't ready,and Alllah knows best..

It's a doleful event and i hope that i was there to console her but i guess it was just meant to happen =(

even so...i hope she knows that I love her,immensely,and i truly deeply hope that i would have been with her through it all...

and to u dear...

ergo, every cloud has a silver lining

=)

Allah knows best.

the kite runner~

It was suppose to be just an ordinary paperback book bought from a warehouse sale for a friction of the price-rm10.

Never did i expect a single book to actually alter the way i viewed and perceived life altogether.

Those expensive coach handbags and shoes bought stacked in the corner of the room suddenly became an eyesore for me to look at. Not only did it remind me of my greediness and my self absorved selfish manner of spending money on useles junks, it caused me excrutiating pain to contemplate what that amount of money could have done for needy ones suffering in every corner of the globe.

-thanx to the book for awakening the human in me-

Lust;nafsu. One of the seven deadly sins that grips over human beings. The addcition converts us from slaves of Allah swt to beings worst than animals. Whether it concerns lust literally(raping) or the lust for things that we purchase and acquire. The rat race of feeling superior and owning the latest gadgets to gain admiration and dignity in society drags us far from the shadows of wanting to be a humble person and followin 'sunnah nabi saw'. We are all greedy in various ways; greedy for love, attention, family, banknotes, status..etc. When did we become so self absorbed that we forgot the fundamental teachings of religion; of Islam? Rather than spending and acquiring worldly goods, we should be donating to charity, donating to orphans, paying zakats, and allocating the money into good use for the future generations of our bloodline.

Reading the book unravelled the side of me that was overshadowed by greed and lust. I hope i would be able to have the oppurtunity to atleast watch the movie with Zaidarlin.

(he loathes readin books)

I would only describe the book in a single word;

MASTERPIECE.

the beginning~

Its been ages since i last remember considering the act of starting my very own blog. I am still in awe that i actually started blogging-today.

I used to love to scribble on my journal a.k.a diary during my sophomore years in high school..the nostalgic whirlwind of memories still occupying the back of my head as if high school happened just yesterday. I can proudly say that i loved my hgh school years-mainly bacause i met the most dearest person to my heart there.

=)

Anyway, the thought of pouring my heart out in a piece of parchment seemed somehow kinky to me. Maybe the thoughts alluding to mummy one day reading it and unravelling my deepest secrets makes me wanna scream my lungs out; i hate her for doing it. Alas, i figured out that i possibly can scribble down my emotions without mummy actually coming in the picture and decipher it-hence-blog!

(of course im never allowing anyone to discover it)

=p